idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
