My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
