We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
