We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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