why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
