That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
