We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
