I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
