tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
