I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
