Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
