You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
