my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
