dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
