I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Randomize
