Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
