My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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