How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
