I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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