why didn't you poke me back
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
