Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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