wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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