the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
