we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
