Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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