I need help removing her.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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