i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my liver is dry heaving
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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