Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think a kid would responsible me up
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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