Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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