if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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