He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
