Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
