Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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