I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
