I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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