He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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