Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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