He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
