I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
