She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
