I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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