My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
