so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
