'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
