tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
