Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
