I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
