wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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