Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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