Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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