he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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