I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
