My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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