i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
