Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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