nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
