I will die if light touches me.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
