shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
