I wish I could teleport
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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