Porn is love you can see.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
