Just cropdusted the office
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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