Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
