can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize