i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
two words: eviction party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
