he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
