Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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