i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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