In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
