he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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