my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
