Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
