these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
